


Never The Slightest Interest in Pretty Young Men

by Quanna



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Coming Out, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Internalized Homophobia, Post-Episode: s08e01 Deep Breath
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-15
Updated: 2015-02-15
Packaged: 2018-03-13 00:48:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3361604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quanna/pseuds/Quanna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Deep Breath, there's something Clara needs to get off her chest. Jenny listens.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never The Slightest Interest in Pretty Young Men

**Author's Note:**

> Whatever anyone tells me, Clara Oswald is quite clearly not straight. This is the result of that headcanon. 
> 
> Trigger Warnings for: implied/referenced character death (Clara's mother and Eleven) and 'mild' internalised homophobia. Clara's coming out is received positively and respectfully. 
> 
> As always, thanks to everyone who had to read this over and over, and listen to my whining about it. Couldn't have posted it without any of you. Thanks.

She falls face forward on the bed, determined to block everything out until a time when she can deal with it on her own terms. It seems his rules last only as long as his body, and promises reinvent themselves along with his face.

There’s a quiet knock at the door, and then the creaking of the wooden floor as Jenny enters with a silver tea tray. She manages to push herself back into an uncomfortable sitting position, accepting a cup of tea. It scalds her hands as she links her fingers around it, but she ignores it.

“He’ll come back for you, he always does,” Jenny tries, giving her an encouraging smile. “He likes you.”

And there it is again; the subject they just can’t seem to avoid. Months of misassumptions, but he has to force it center-stage as dramatically as possible; switching masks mid-act. She’s left waiting in the wings, knowing she’s never dealt well with grief but forced to confront it anyway.

“Really not in love with him,” she blurts out, lips trembling against the rim of her cup. “I care about him very deeply, but it’s not like that. He’s too distracted, and I’m-” She falters, tangled in treacherous words. A perverse quirk of human nature; she still can’t confront this even though she nearly suffocated today.

“I just meant that he’s always come back before.” Jenny says gently, noticing her discomfort. “Didn’t mean to imply anything inappropriate.”

“Can I tell you something?”

“Sure.”

She's had many dreams about falling and shattering into a million pieces, but none made her feel as lost as this. "When I was fifteen, I lost the most important person in my life. Two weeks later, my best friend said she liked me and kissed me in the school library. It was so confusing we never talked about it again. Today-" she admits shakily, her accent bleeding into the words: "it suddenly matters I never told her I liked her, too.”

In hindsight, it’s ridiculously obvious: blaming the latter on the former, passing it off as a phase. "What I said this morning about not having an interest in men- I think I meant it literally."

Jenny looks at her, and it’s like reading a novel and latching on to something implied between the lines, irrevocably placing the protagonist in a different light. A brilliant moment of understanding; both of them aware of the parallels between them; considered wise beyond their standing but shunned for what they stand for.

She’s scared she’s somehow done this wrong, but then her friend is hugging her. Her mind is reeling, and she’s terrified because she’s finally figured this out, finally has the much-needed tools to analyse and annotate. 

“You are so brave,” Jenny mutters into her shoulder. (Willing it to be the first response she’s heard).  
“Doesn’t feel that way.” (It isn’t, and that makes it matter all the more).

Jenny lets go, wiping at her eyes. “It will, one day.”

**Author's Note:**

> So, this has been a ridiculously long time coming. I started writing this back when s8 was first broadcast, and have been working on it on and off ever since. In my headcanon, Clara has always been queer, and that one line in Deep Breath just sealed it for me. Originally, I had plans for writing a 'five times' kind on thing, with Clara growing a little more confident and self-accepting in each one. I did write some follow-ups, but they don't match this one in tone and style, as they were quite literally written months apart. I may either post them as a second chapter, or an entirely different story once I'm happy with them. I'm still not entirely convinced about this fic, but after six months, I've come to the conclusion it's the best I can do.


End file.
